Ok. I am an animal lover..and all that blah blah blah...but lets call it like it is! Ordinarily, I love all kinds of mammals - on my plate and otherwise - But in terms of a pet...and I mean A REAL Pet, what are cats all about?!?

The bloody thing walks around like it were the lord of the manor; Only shows you outmost affection and purrrring love when its meal time; Can only display any kind of God-given pet skills when it comes to running after and fetching cat treats around the house; the Bloody thing only lets you pick it up and stroke it as an assurance that you MUST FEED IT later - otherwise will readily bite your finger off next time you try to pick it up....

I can go on and on and on, But the Cat IS a Selfish Animal.....and a selfish animal to keep as a pet! Except you are one of those deluded old men who thinks of his pet cat as "MATE", you would be Far Better Off keeping a Dog if you want none of that kind of Animal politics!

Say what you will, but a Cat is infact a Mobile Dustbin!!! It does nothing for you, but simply exists to be fed! Feed a Cat, and it will delude you of the power to control it...Dont feed a Cat enough, and a Cat will Shamelessly unleash its independence! It will simply give you the Middle finger (with a claw attached for effect) so that  you know it does not care jackanoree about how you effing feel, BUT What you bring to its bloody table! With Cats, Affection is bought - But with Dogs, affection is earned.

My Best friend's British Blue Cat taught me alot. When he gave Stompy (the cat's name) a collar to wear, the cat gave him hell. I took it off one day, and the Bull Shit Stopped. Another time, he kept giving the cat ordinary boiled chicken and ham, until the cat rebelled and went on a Hunger-strike. On my advice, he switched the cat to a high-end brand of cat food, and the cat called off the Strike! LOL

A Cat will not protect you when an armed burglar breaks into your house... You'll be lucky if the effing Cat so much as Bloody Stirs in its sleep whilst you scream for help!!! Infact, it will only yawn at you and proceed to pick up the treats thrown at it from your impending killer. And if you are unlucky to be ransacked by Armed Robbers, the best a Cat can do in your defence is to purr like a starving child and rub its side up against your cold dead body should the police be looking for any witnesses to your murder. And believe me, even at that stage, the bloody feline still aint being generous to you.....After all, its purring up against you because even if you happen to be a dead son of a gun, it is still your effing job to feed it! Afterall, I cat can not drive to its nearest Waitrose store to pick out that delicious box of Felix Cat food now, Can it?!? LOL